A dummy's guide to proper courtship
by Mizu-Tenshi
Summary: KuroFai Sometimes, we all need a few pointers in the love department. Section twelve: Sea of memories. End.
1. The pink umbrella

A series of short one-shot drabbles featuring KuroxFai mostly though there may feature some other pairings. Inspired by...well, lots of things.

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**A dummy's guide to proper courtship**

**Section One – Getting close to your target of affection**

**When courting any male or female, after identifying your target, the first step is to place yourself in a position in which you are close to said person. This can be achieved by A – Linking yourself together with chains, handcuffs or some kind of super strong adhesive. B – Becoming and official stalker/groupie of your target or C – Stranding yourself and your target on a deserted island hence making the only communication between yourself and said target possible. **

**A dummy's guide to proper courtship holds no responsibility for any incidents that may take place as a result of following this guide.**

XX

Rain. When would it all end, this horrible, miserable rain? Kurogane stalked down the muddy path through the countryside, his mood as dark as the clouds above with Fai happily striding by his side.

The world that they had found themselves had pretty unstable weather; it had been sunny just a few minutes ago. Now the stormclouds rolled over head, bringing lightning and thunder along with innumerable amount of flashing rain. It had come quickly, the silver rain, hitting the skin like arrows, hard and cold. Just thinking of the rest of their party back at the lodge they had rented, inside where it was nice and warm kept his pace up. He wanted to be somewhere dry.

As they walked he noticed Fai sidling closer to him, dangerously closer. "Kuro-nin…"

"No."

"But Kuro-tan…"

"Never."

"But Kunor-mune," the mage pouted. "No one will care, we'll be gone from this world soon and there's no one around anyway."

"I don't care," he shook his head adamantly, spraying Fai with the droplets caught in his hair…or at least he would have if it was not for he damned umbrella.

It was Sakura's umbrella, given to her by one of the locals in the nearby village, which would probably explain why it was pink and frilly and had cat ears on top. Such a silly, needless decoration. Fai had taken it 'just in case.' Of course, when Fai had an umbrella it just _had_ to rain. The stupid pink thing was probably cursed.

"Kuro-pii sure is stubborn, valuing his masculinity over not getting wet and sick," Fai sighed. Their trek back from searching for the next feather through mud and with not a soul in sight reminded him just how annoying the mage could be.

"I don't care if I get sick," he grumbled. The village would be appearing upon the horizon soon, and then maybe he could hear noises other than Fai's annoying nattering. Anything would be better than listening to him and his inane comments. "There's no way I'm sharing that umbrella with you."

It was pink, it was cute, it was frilly, but most of all it was pink. He was a warrior, a fearsome killer with pride and honor. What kind of warrior used a pink umbrella?

"If it was blue would you share it with me?"

"No."

Fai sniffed, holding back mock tears. He drew a breath, and bellowed. "Kuro-chan, you meanie! Fine, go ahead, get sick, get pneumonia!" the mage ranted like a hysterical woman. All Kurogane could do was stare at him in disbelief. Fai added a whole new meaning to the word 'melodramatic' "I'll enjoy playing nurse with you," the mage smirked.

An image of Fai in a tight nurse's suit, an injection in his hand, a clipboard in another and a ludicrously short skirt forced itself into his mind. One hand caught the other before he slapped himself, settling with a simple shudder.

"Kuro-wan, please share my umbrella!" Fai made an attempt to cover the ninja with his pink umbrella.He ducked the umbrella's shadowlike the shadow of death, dodging out of reach of the deadly umbrella.

What was it about Fai, that cheerful, slightly eccentric magician, that just managed to get on his nerves so much?

"But you're all wet and soggy…like a damp doggy,"the mageadded, grinning at his own personal genius.

_Wow, a rhyme, you must be so proud_. (Insert sarcastic claps here) "Let's just go."

Resuming their walk down the path, he was sure that he could finally see the tell-tale wisps of smoke coming from the village. The mage walked a good distance behind him, not close enough to reach for him, he never seemed close enough.

_Now where did that come from?_

Shaking his head, he suddenly felt mage's light presence looming ever closer.

His pace automatically quickened. So did Fai's. Like a game of Simple Simon, Fai copied his pace with perfect precision no matter how varied. Why was he doing this again? Surely, he could not hate the mage enough to want to be rid of him. He didn't dislike Fai but…

Half a mile was covered this way and they were finally upon the very outskirts of the village when it became unbearable. Spinning around, he rounded on the blue-eyed mage. "You're really persistent, y'know?"

"That's what you love most about me, right Kuro-rin?" he launched himself at Kurogane's torso, subsequently attaching himself to the ninja and hugging tightly whist nuzzling the taller man's back.

How quickly the ninja's face went from a slight blush to full blown burgundy was impressive. Fai loved how easily he freaked out.

"Stay away from me, you psycho!" Kurogane jumped, prying himself free of the leech-man, he ran for safety, planning to sprint all the way back to Sakura and Syaoran and yes, even the white manjuu if he had to.

But would Fai stop on account of the others? He sure hoped so. If the mage continued in front of their younger party members that would be…well, it would scar the younger ones for years and it would cause him enough embarrassment for a lifetime.

"Are you ashamed of me Kuro-pipi?" he chased him into the village, through the stall-lined streets, secretly loving all the attention he attracted and the palpable embarrassment it caused his ninja friend. "You know that I love you!"

"Quack magician," he muttered under his breath and increased his speed, planning to leave the mage as far behind as he could, on the other end of the world is possible.

The distance between the ninja and the mage slowly lengthened and Fai found himself struggling to keep up. Who would have thought such a tall, heavy man could be so fast?

"Hey, wait, I can't run that fast, Kuro-tan!" the mage yelled after him. "Kuro-ta - " the lasts words were ripped from his throat. As he ran to catch up, his foot caught on something on the uneven ground. His whole body was off of the ground for a brief second before crashing back to earth in a spray of dirty water and mud.

Kurogane was sorely tempted to leave him there. It was the mage's own fault. How could he be such an accomplished fighter yet still besuch aclumsy air-head? He had half a mind that the mage had tripped on purpose to get some attention but when Fai refused to move his conscience began pulling his heart strings.

_Lousy conscience_

Returning to where Fai lay, he stood over the now mud-covered, dirty mage. "You're useless if you can't even walk down a road," he snorted, earning him a few odd looks from the villagers for his insensitivity.

"I – I think I sprained my ankle," Fai groaned, nursing his injured leg.

"Then un-sprain it and come on, I don't want to get sick just because I was waiting here in the rain for your sorry butt."

The mage looked at him oddly.

_Yes, I know._

"Kuro-muu's so insensitive," he smiled sheepishly as he struggled to get up, but the mud was slippery and he ended up in the mud again.

Trying again, he used the umbrella for support and managed to assume a sort of half standing, half crouching position on the ground. His head -blond hair stained with dirt -lifted, offering the ninja an apologetic smile.

Sighing, Kurogane stepped forward. What he was about to do was to be guarded in the deepest tombs of the earth, the memory to be buried in an unwitting school girl's garden.

"Kuro-chan?"

Even Fai looked slightly surprised as the ninja lifted him onto his back.

"Don't take this the wrong way," he said, just so the mage would not come to any stupid conclusions. He would be telling Syaoran and Sakura how he was gallantly saved from and evil mud spirit unless Kurogane quickly crushed Fai's creative license. "I just didn't want to grow old waiting for you to get up." There, that would do it. A short, sweet denial. He certainly was not helping Fai out of any sort of concern for the mage, definitely not.

He was feeling quite content with himself, despite the rain and the added weight the mage put on him, until he heard laughing, a familiar teasing chuckle coming from just behind him. "What's so funny?" he asked. The man had been on the ground, in the mud, and with a hurt footfor God's sake!More chuckles were his only reply

Looking up, he realized that he could not longer see the sky, also, that his head was no longer being attacked by rain. Instead, there was something large and pink above him, something that ran down into Fai's hand.

"You're under the pink umbrella now."

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Phew, I did all that quite fast. It usually takes me forever to write something. Well, this fandom is way too small but all the authors here are so talented that I just had to add my own fics no matter how bad they are. Yes, expect OOC-ness, sap and lots of fluff from my fics. Hopefully, my next drabble will be more in character. 


	2. Kagome Kagome

Disclaimer - I usually forget to type up one of these things so I'm glad that I remembered it now. TRC belongs to CLAMP. 

**A dummy's guide to proper courtship**

**Section Two - Conversations**

**When you really know someone, conversations become unnecessary, trivial things. However, being able to establish a meaningful conversation is one of the basics in courting someone. Conversations can be tricky to instigate and even harder to keep running without falling into awkward silence. The best ways to trigger a conversation is to wear an interesting T-shirt to comment about when things get rough.**

XX

_Kagome, Kagome Kago no naka no Tori wa _

_Kagome, Kagome, the bird in the cage,_

Fai smiled and watched the children join their hands and form a circle around the blindfolded child in the middle, chanting they moved slowly in a clockwise direction around the single child. It reminded him somewhat of a game the children used to play in Celes, not that there were ever many games to play or that he ever took part in any of them. He would have liked to believe that he was the one in the middle, the centre of attention, but really he would have been the random child ten miles away sitting in a tower.

"It's kinda nostalgic," he tilted his head upwards to the clouds that passed through the blue sky.

_Itsu Itsu deyaru? _

_When will you come out?_

The world that they had found themselves in was something akin to Outo country with towering skyscrapers that rose to dizzying heights amongst the last remnants of the more traditional buildings.

Fai had found himself a nice little park to rest in whilst searching for Sakura's feather. He was comfortable enough on his little wooden bench under the blossoming cherry trees, watching the children of this world play their foreign games.

_Yoake no ban ni _

_In the evening of the dawn,_

Daylight spilled across the tips of the trees, gilding the park in golden light. He admired this world somewhat; the way nature still managed to grow amongst the roaring traffic and fumes of the modern world. He admired how flowers could sprout from cracks in the pavement, of trees twisted around buildings, of little havens like the park that he currently found himself in.

Stifling a yawn, he produced a leaflet a woman had given him during his search for the feather. Scanning over it briefly, he shrugged and began folding it. His tongue poked out slightly between his lips as he struggled to fold the paper into the desired shape. It would have been so much easier with magic but he would never have used his magic for such trivial things and his back was now bare, bereft of the tattoo he had treasured so much.

_Tsuru to Kame ga subetta.  
The crane and turtle slipped._

After much struggling, he held a fragile paper bird in his triumphant hands before giving it to the wind and slumping back down against the bench.

The children were still at it. They were still playing their game. The child in the middle seemed a little lonely standing by himself whilst the others continued to circle him with their hands linked. The child in the middle had no one to hold his hand.

"He'll get over it," Fai returned his gaze to the sky. "It's better be by yourself than to have someone hold your hand. It's harder but better."

They began slowing down, signalling the near end to their game.

_Ushiro no shoumen dare?  
Who's behind you?_

"Kuro-chan."

"You dropped this."

Kurogane stood behind the bench, a frown permanently etched into his sharp features. He held up the paper bird, pointedly ignoring the use of his much-hated nickname. "Where I come from they symbolise long life and good luck so you shouldn't throw one of these things away."

Fai twisted around to face his travelling companion with a ready smile to counter Kurogane's frown.

"That's funny," he accepted the paper bird, twiddling it between his fingers as if he had never seen such a thing in his life. "Where I come from, they mean death."

"I'll keep it then," Kurogane pocketed the paper bird, moving around the bench so that he was standing besides the mage.

The corners of Fai's lips tugged upwards. "You might die," he warned.

"Or I might live a long, prosperous life."

At that, he could not help but snort. Kurogane's eyebrows arched questioningly but Fai just lowered his head and shook it.

"I didn't know that you were superstitious, Kuro-run," when he lifted his head again, there was a grin on his lips.

This time, Kurogane snorted and took a seat next to him on the bench, leaning forward, arms propped against his knees and hands supporting his head. Not much was passed between them. If the ninja thought it odd that the mage was suddenly silent, he did not give voice to it.

It was a comfortable silence. Kurogane could never understand why there were such things as uncomfortable silence, why people felt the need to constantly be talking away to feel comfortable. Maybe he should ask the man besides him. Fai was a master at conversations no matter how pointless and meaningless they were.

The mage fidgeted, leaning his back straight against the back of the bench. Neither said anything as a child changed placed with the one in the middle and the game continued.

"It's a strange game, isn't it?" he finally chose to break their mutual silence. "Seems a little morbid and depressing though," he mused.

"Speaking of depressing," the ninja rested his gaze upon Fai's ever-smiling face. Despite the steady expression of casual cheerfulness the mage kept glued to his face, Kurogane could sense Fai's real emotions swirling just below the surface of his façade. He sighed. "What's got you so sad, Mr smiles and sunshine?"

Fai quirked an eyebrow at his new name and smiled even harder. "Who knows."

"You're admitting it?" He would be lying if he said he was not a little shocked. Fai never let anyone see anything that was real, that had to do with the real Fai.

"There are a lot of depressing things in this world, in any world," the mage nodded and continued. "Like today, I saw a starving cat in the middle of the road."

Fai opening up, that was a joke. Kurogane felt his eyebrows simultaneously twitch. Whatever gave him that stupid notion?

Unaware of his travelling companion's current disposition, the mage continued his tragic story. Eyes shining, he put on his best voice and began. "My heart went out to it and, despite my own hunger, I gave it my lunch, everything I had. A hundred miles I wandered searching for Sakura's feather - "

"But you're only five streets away from the hotel," Kurogane muttered.

Ignoring the disgruntled ninja, he went on. " - Always wandering on an empty stomach and finally, as exhaustion and hunger caught up with me, I collapsed here, in this park. So…" that being said, he turned hopeful eyes onto the ninja, "got any snacks?"

Kurogane let a faint "ugh!" pass through his lips. "I'll tell you what's really depressing," he grunted, "listening to you spew nonsense out of your blow hole."

"Ah, then Kuro-pi must be a pretty serious masochist since you came to find me," Fai's smile did not falter.

"I didn't come to find you, you just happened to be here!" the ninja yelled above Fai's happy singsong chant of "Kuro-kun, Kuro-wan, Kuro-chii came to find me!"

Sighing, Kurogane once again resigned himself to watching the children play.

"Hold still."

He instantly turned at the sound of Fai's voice so close to him and was met with a crouching Fai squatting on the bench right next to him. The mage seemed to have no concept of personal space,

"W - What?" he wanted to hit himself when he stuttered.

Fai's hand moved closer to the ninja's face. "You have cherry blossom in your hair," he artfully removed the pink petals as he spoke. "And one on your ear." His finger brushed against his ear, sweeping away the last petal. Kurogane's skin tingled at the touch.

The thank you that the ninja was planning to offer in return was wedged in his throat. The bench they shared as covered with petals like pink snow in spring, and Fai's blond hair too was littered with blossom. His hand moved to offer the same kind of service that the mage had given him.

"Well, despite all the depressing things in the world, I'd say that life's not too bad, right?" Fai returned to his original position on the bench, smiling wistfully.

"Err…yeah," Kurogane blinked then quickly dropped his hand, feeling stupider than he believed that he should.

_Luck_, he thought, and touched the paper bird in his pocket. He needed a little luck.

Silence once again washed over them. In the midst of silence, Kurogane turned his attention to the smiling mage. A cherry blossom detached itself from the branch and lighted upon the blond man's lips.

_Luck_, he thought.

Before Fai could brush it away, Kurogane swept in, removing the petal with his lips with surprising delicacy. Their lips just brushed in the process before being replaced by a much more pressing, urgent kiss.

All those months that they had been travelling together, those stolen glances and increasingly occurring awkward moments had amounted into this. Personally, Kurogane blamed it on the lack of culture in the last three worlds they had visited. Had there been any brothels available, he could have easily extinguished his frustration and longing there, but such was his luck. He idly touched the paper bird.

Fai did not seem to mind kissing another guy, in fact, he seemed to have been expecting it and leaned inwards. Pushing him slowly against the bench, Kurogane's body arched into the mage's.

"Kuro-mune," something between a moan and a murmur passed through Fai's lips. He was still using those damn nicknames even at such a time. "I think that you should stop, Kuro-pon."

"Why? Don't you like it," he grinned, parting to catch his breath before moving in again.

Fai groaned. "I do, but…but…" Groaning once more, but this time with the effort to shove the heavier man off of him, Fai coughed and returned to sitting on the bench as if nothing had transpired between the two.

The moment, suddenly broken by the mage, shattered around them. Kurogane blushed. "Sorry, I - "

Fai mimicked his blush with one of an even deeper shade of red. "It's not that, it's…" a single finger lifted and pointed in front of them but Fai's blue eyes were not looking in the direction of his finger and his cheeks seemed to flush even deeper, " that," he finished.

Gazing over in the direction Fai's finger was indicating, Kurogane understood why he had stopped him. The children had stopped their game and were staring, no,_ gawking_ at them and their previous antics.

_Luck_, he thought.

XX

I hope that that wasn't too long and sappy. I wanted to do a slightly angsty fic that does not involve Ashura. Though this wasn't so much angst-tinted as it was sappy but I still enjoyed writing it. Reviews spur my creativity and help me write so please contribute by pushing the button below.

Next Setion - Drinking games


	3. Drinking games

Disclaimer - I'm not sure if I have to write on of these every chapter but just in case TRC belongs to CLAMP. 

**Section Three - Getting to know your target of affection**

**The first step in courting any male/female is to know about your target of affection. In fact, before any proper courtship can begin, it is advisable to have some background information about your target. Any nasty misunderstandings that may sprout from not knowing enough about the male/female you are courting can result in arguments, bumps, bruises, fractures, broken bones, broken egos, loss of limbs and even death. **

XX

Gathered around the fire, Sakura lay covered in Fai's heavy coat, fast asleep. The flames merrily devoured loose twigs and branches, flames and smoke ascending into the night's sky.

The other three companions huddled around the flames for warmth, listening to the fire crackle.

Between them, several empty bottles of sake and cheap wine littered their camp and more surrounded their fire. Bottles lay discarded by the feet of the three companions. Bottles were piled next to more bottles and the promise of a splitting hangover escalated with each empty bottle.

They had waited for Sakura to sleep before starting their game, as her lack of memories would prevent her from playing.

Now, as the full moon was just ascending its throne in the sky, those left awake raised their bottles, ready to begin.

"Mokona wants to go first! Let Mokona go!"

Jumping around the campfire, the white manjuu bun hoped over everything in sight, hiccuping merrily.

"What does a stupid steamed bun know about this stuff?" Kurogane growled and took a swig of his sake.

"Mokona knows everything! Mokona used to play this game with the other Mokona."

Kurogane mumbled something under his breath, something that sounded suspiciously like a string of profanity but Syaoran smiled and came between the disgruntle ninja and the bouncing manjuu.

"Just let him go first," he gently calmed Kurogane's nerves.

Taking the ninja's silence as a grudging acquiescence, the white manjuu cleared his throat and began.

"I know! Mokona has never been hated by anyone ever!"

Aside from the slight twitch of Kurogane's eyebrow, the three companions swallowed the remaining contents of their bottles in silence.

"Aren't you going to argue?" Fai took his mouth from the rim of his wine bottle just long enough to ask.

"I'm not even going to bother," Kurogane huffed and took a swig of his sake.

"I have another one! Mokona always has lots of girlfriends," the white manjuu chirped merrily.

A hand shot for Mokona's ears, grabbing them and lifting Mokona off of the ground.

"That isn't how the game goes!" Kurogane shook the crying manjuu. "And it's not your turn!"

"This game is no fun!" Mokona wailed, plucking himself free of Kurogane's grip.

"Then don't play!" Kurogane roared. Spinning round, he targeted Fai with a finger, rounding on the passive wizard tasting his fourth bottle of wine. "And you! Stop taking prissy little sips. Gulp it down like a real man!"

A bottle later, Mokona had fallen asleep on Sakura, and after a further three had been emptied Syaoran too muttered something indistinguishable, burst into a fit of yelling and flailing, the likes of which his companions had never seen, and passed out.

"Kuro-rin, are you sure that you don't want to give up? You do look a little woozy," despite his words, Fai wavered, teetering dangerously near to the fire.

"Shuddup, damn…damn wizard," the ninja rubbed his eyes with the butt of his palm. "I hope that the tengu torture you in the seventh level of hell."

"And may the firbolgs chop off your manhood," Fai slurred, raising his glass in a toast.

"I've never heard of a firbolg."

Taking the statement as part of the game, Fai swung the bottle near his mouth, most of its contents splashing across his clothes instead of passing down his throat.

Tossing the bottle away, Fai took his turn. "I've never been sent away by a princess," he hiccuped.

"That's cheating!" Kurogane swung a fist at the drunken wizard, missing only by a few inches and collapsing in a jumbled heap. He was a mean drunk but that did not deter Fai from continuing to tease the frustrated ninja.

"No, it's simply the truth," Fai cast him a wry smile. "Drink up, Kuro-chan!" he cried cheerily, patting the ninja's back until an irritated arm waved him away.

They sat there in silence for a moment, waiting for the other to sober up a little, which, after the gallons they felt that they had drunk, seemed almost impossible.

"Well, I've never run away from my world."

"True, true." Saturated in alcohol, Fai's defensive smile lay crooked on his face. He tried to hide it by lifting the bottle and drinking. "I never glower at perfectly innocent people."

"I never walk around with a stupid fake smile plastered to my face."

"Well, that's true, you always seem to be grumpy, striding around like a grumpy doggy."

Kurogane glared at the wizard, whose bottle remained lowered. "Aren't you going to drink?"

"There's nothing fake about my smiles. See!" Fai offered an even wider grin as proof, a grin as fake as his previous smile.

"Liar."

It was getting dangerous now.

Through the mists of alcohol that veiled his mind and stopped his thinking properly, the vague sensation that he had alter the flow of their conversation was like a light in the darkness of Fai's mind.

"I've never drowned a baby before."

Kurogane almost choked on his drink. "What? Where is this all coming from all of a sudden?" he asked after he had stopped spluttering and coughing.

"Have you?" Fai stared accusingly at Kurogane.

"N- no! Of course not!" Kurogane coughed, recomposing himself, ready for his turn.

"Yes you have," Fai slurred and peered at the ninja through his now empty bottle. "I recognise you now. You killed my baby, you bastard! Kuro-tan's a baby killer!" he wailed, launching his body into the surprised ninja. Fai gripped onto Kurogane's arm; yelling unintelligible things that Kurogane was sure would wake the two children up.

With much prying, he managed to free himself from the wizard. Scooting to the other side of the dying fire, Kurogane chucked his bottle aside and resumed their game.

"I've never gotten drunk and made a total ass of myself before."

"That, I'm sure, is a lie," Fai grinned and dodged the swipe aimed at his head. "I've never gotten drunk enough to throw up," he said, disappointed to see that Kurogane's bottle remained by his side.

Fai sloshed the contents of his drink across the grass. Looking up, he crawled over to Kurogane, who was hoping to keep him back with a glare, though without much success.

Upon arriving at arm's length from the ninja, Fai swiped at Kurogane's sake bottle and took another long swig.

Kurogane glared at the wizard across the dim firelight. "I've never gotten drunk and woken up sharing a bed with someone else." He watched Fai take a rather large gulp in disbelief. "You have?"

Fai smiled. "Well, no, not really, but I intend to," throwing Kurogane's sake bottle to the wind, he pounced upon Kurogane, knocking him flat.

A surprised yelp escaped Kurogane's throat. He tried pushing the wizard off but Fai had tightly wrapped himself around Kurogane's torso.

While Kurogane was yelling and cursing beneath him, Fai's free hand groped in search of the last bottle of sake they had. Flipping off the cap, he stuck the neck into the ninja's mouth, silencing him immediately.

Sake freely flowed down Kurogane's throat. Whilst he was aware of Fai's laughter, he let his limbs go limp and was awarded with a triumphant smile as Fai removed the bottle and swept in.

Perhaps the morning's hangover would not be so bad.

XX

So comes to close another section. Those two are really incredible to be able to handle so much wine and sake. Thanks to all reviewers, you really brighten up my days of boring school life.

Next Section - Perfect Innocence (the rating will go up for this one, I think)


	4. Perfect Innocence

Okay, this is, um...a little different for me but I like to experiment.This is for the **'Stupidly serious, seriously stupid**' challenge suggested by anacquiantance. As you can see, I've chosen the latter for this fic so expect something _seriously stupid_.I also have three warnings for this chapter. 

Warning one - Stupidity alert. I'm talking about hitting your head against a wall until you pass out stupidity here.

Warning two - OOC-ness. Lots of it and from everyone

Warning three - Plotless. There is nothing deep and meaningful in this and it goes nowhere. Meant to be read for fun.

* * *

**Section Four - Others around you**

**During the courting process, it's important to be mindful of the others around you, especially parents, relatives and potential rivals of the peron you are courting. Failure to obtain acceptance from each important person can make the coutring process long, arduous and hellish. **

XX

Fai felt his hand twitch on the chequered tablecloth. Kurogane had bailed on him, using an old excuse that he was going to assist Syaoran in shopping for supplies in order to be as far away from the wizard as possible, particularly during this awkward time.

As Fai's mind silently skimmed through all the ways in which he could get back at Kurogane for deserting him, Sakura set her cup of tea down.

This was not how it was supposed to go. It was meant to be Kurogane facing Sakura across the square table and he was meant to be the one safe with Syaoran, possibly laughing over Kurogane's plight, not the other way around.

His hand twitched again.

Shrugging off any doubts and fears he held; he propped his elbows on the table and let his head rest in his hands.

"Well, Sakura-chan, what was it that you wanted to know again?" he smiled pleasantly, as if they were having a normal conversation over a light lunch, which, in a way, they were.

Sakura smiled nervously and began fiddling with her teaspoon, not allowing her eyes to meet Fai. "Why you and Kurogane-san keep fighting. Do you really not get on well with him?"

Fai looked bemused. "What do you think?"

"You two seem very close," she started slowly, tracing circles on the tablecloth with her spoon. "You also seem very attached and loyal to each other but…" she trailed away.

"But?"

This time, Sakura looked at him.

"You're always fighting one another. It's hard to sleep at night with all the noise that you two make."

"Sorry princess, I'll make sure to keep things down at night," Fai held up his hands innocently but Sakura did not look satisfied.

"Things have changed. You always go to bed earlier, Fai-san, and then Kurogane-san goes in to check on you and we never see either of you until the morning." She paused wondering whether to go on.

Fai sipped his tea with caution, his eyes never leaving Sakura's face.

"…I was wondering if I had done anything wrong, or if you're going to bed early because I make you uncomfortable," she blushed.

"Not at all!" He hurried to rest her doubts at ease. "If it was something like that Kuro-tan wouldn't be checking on me like he does."

At that, Sakura perked up a little. "So you two really don't fight at night, not even play fighting?" she asked nervously.

"How do I explain this?" Fai scratched the side of his face with a finger. "Well, it started last month. Kuro-rin and I are sort of…well, in _that_ sort of relationship."

"_That_ sort of relationship?" Sakura cocked her head to one side, plainly not understanding.

Fai paused, wondering how to explain it to someone so blissfully naive. "Like your mother and father," he settled upon.

Sakura made the tiniest of frowns upon her lips. "My mother…I don't really remember her."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay. My father was very warm and kind and he more than made up for it! So what exactly is '_that_' sort of relationship?"

Silently cursing Kurogane for leaving him, Fai wondered how he was going to get his point through with minimal embarrassment and, hopefully, without scarring the princess for life. Sex was not a big deal in his world, not that everyone went around doing it, but it certainly wasn't taboo to talk openly about it.

However, not knowing just what Sakura's world was like, he wondered if he would be breaking some sort of ancient, moral code if realisation finally dawned upon her. Sakura was a nice girl, he reasoned, but he was not quite prepared to be burned at the stake for teaching her such things if they ever were to land in Sakura's world.

Behind her tiny teacup, Fai realised that Sakura was still looking at him, patiently waiting for a better explanation that would clear the clouds of confusion currently hovering above her head.

"Have you ever seen a dog when it's…aroused?"

"What?"

Fai shook his head, wincing at his own crude analogy. "No, no, forget it," he dismissed the idea with a wave of his other hand. "Well, you've certainly seen two people kiss, right?"

Sakura hesitated. "…Yes," her cheeks began to tingle with pink.

What was she going to be like if even the thought of two people kissing made her turn cherry blossom pink?

Bravely, Fai grinned and pushed on.

"When people get to a certain age kissing isn't really enough to express their love, so they do…other things."

"Like hugging?"

Fai's smile was weak at best. "Sort of, but naked."

"Naked hugging?" Sakura seemed just as, if not more, perplexed.

Why was he even doing this? It would be easier to simply let the young princess believe that they were indeed fighting almost every night, but night after night of their constant antics proved that they could no longer go on without explaining their actions to some degree. Fai believed that Sakura and Syaoran would soon realise the truth. Of course, Kurogane had bailed on him before the big talk.

Better now than never, rather sooner than later, don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today and so many other 'words of wisdom' floated to the top of Fai's head. Sayings Fai wished he could wipe from existence.

"For me and Kuro-pon…those sounds you hear at night are us…expressing our love for each other." For the umpteenth time, he tried to explain his situation.

"By hugging naked?" she wondered.

It was not that Sakura was particularly dim, on the contrary, she could be unsettlingly sharp at times, it was just that the happened to be princess incredibly innocent. Perfectly and painfully so.

Had he been anyone else, there would have been sweat beading his forehead. However, being the clam, composed, happy-go-lucky Fai he presented to the world, he merely smiled.

"Let's start again, shall we?"

Though before Fai could actually start again, the door swung open and Syaoran emerged, his arms laden with paper bags, Syaoran announcing "I'm back!" as he strode through the door.

"Syaoran-kun! Welcome back!" Sakura's attention was ripped away from their conversation for a few blissful moments to eagerly greet him.

Syaoran smiled and nodded back, though Fai noticed that he had entered alone.

"Where's Kuro-wan?"

"Fighting outside with Mokona," Syaoran replied as if Fai should have known that too. He supposed that he should have. His adorable Kuro-woof-woof, it appeared, was still adamant about letting Fai go solo.

Then something dawned on the princess.

"Since they fight a lot too, is Kurogane-san in '_that_' kind of relationship with Mokona too?"

"God no!" Fai slapped a hand across his mouth.

Sakura quirked her head sideways, whilst Syaoran was giving him an equally puzzled look. He had not meant to burst out like that, it was rare for him to loose leash of his emotions but several highly disturbing images had just flashed across his mind eye. He could hardly be blamed. "I…I mean…no, he isn't," he finished rather lamely.

"What's this about?" Syaoran asked inquiringly.

Before Fai could answer, Sakura piped in with a cheerful voice; "Fai-san is explaining to me why there are strange thumps and bangs coming from the bedroom he shares with Kurogane-san."

"Yes, I've often wondered about that too," Syaoran said, setting down the bags in a corner.

Oh God, now Syaoran-kun is wondering.

"Fai, are you done talking yet?"

The door swung open a second time. This time, Kurogane entered; his arms were also full of supplies. Behind him, flashes of white bounced happily across the ground.

Fai suppressed a shudder as he remembered what the princess had said.

_Is Kurogane-san in _that _kind of relationship with Mokona?_

He had to beat those nasty, indecent images out of his mind.

"Kurogane-san, Fai-san was explaining about your relationship with each other," Sakura chirped happily, glad to see them back.

Kurogane entered, shutting the door behind him. Fai noticed how slowly he was walking towards them, cautiously, as if he thought that one of them would spontaneously combust.

"You're not freaked out, are you?" he eyed Sakura and the Syaoran, talking with deliberate slowness.

Sakura blinked once…twice. "About having '_that_' kind of relationship? From what I understand, I don't think that I am."

For some reason, Fai was having unhappy visions of what was about to transpire. Though he often appeared so, he had never been much of an optimist inside.

Kurogane nodded. Fai suspected that he was probably a little relieved despite how he always appeared to never care bout what someone else thought. "That's good, and I promise that I'll try to stop him from making so much noise the next time we fuck."

Fai inwardly winced at Kurogane's crude choice of words. Syaoran looked a little surprised but not particularly scandalised and Sakura….

Sakura simply tilted her head to one side, looked questioningly at Kurogane and said; "…Fuck?"

But her enquiry was partially drowned out by the crash and clatter of jumping teacups as Fai's head hit the table, his spirit leaving him.

XX

Phew! I finally got to the end of this! It's hard writting something like this but I think that it was _seriously stupid_ enough.The next section, will be the second part of the challenge based on the words - _stupidly serious,_ though I'm not exactly sure what that means.Well, please review!


	5. Top or bottom

I was on holiday with no Internet access, which is why I'm a little late in updating. This section was meant to be Clover but I've pushed it back again for a rewrite because right now it's so mindlessly depressing. 

Okay, the second part of the **'Stupidly serious, seriously stupid'** challenge so I'm going to try something _stupidly serious._ I wasn't exactly sure what it entailed so thanks to Rathrahk: Rahkshi of Yaoi for the little explanation.

* * *

**Section Five - Arguments**

**In any healthy relationship, arguments abound. One popular misconception is that perfect couples are perfect because they never fight. This is of course ridiculous as even the best of relationships wade through the same troubles as everyone else; the only difference is that they do not let it take them down.**

XX

Rain relentlessly battered the windows, pounded against the roof and beat hard upon the courtyard outside. Dark thunderclouds rolled overhead, bringing the promise of thunder and the occasional streak of lightning.

All the candles were lit to illuminate the circular room. Without the stars or the presence of the moon, only the flickering flames surrounding the walls gave them light, throwing shadows against the wall.

In the orange light, two forms sat on the single bed, each one occupying each end. Their room was simple and unadorned. A hand-woven mat covered most of the wooden floor and pictures of cranes on scrolls of papyrus hung along the curved wall.

"You_ look_ like a girl, Fai," the first, and noticeably larger, figure spoke in a gruff voice.

"That's not a good reason, Kuro-puu," the second figure waved his hand absently.

"You act like one too," Kuro-puu, or rather Kurogane, muttered.

"Well, you act like a child," Fai countered, "a petulant child."

Kurogane grabbed a pillow a flung it at Fai, who artfully caught it and slung it back. "I do not!" Kurogane growled, catching the pillow before it hit his face and going for a second barrage.

Fai, grinning in the candlelight, caught the pillow again and held it to him as if it were a stuffed toy. "Then, Kuro-mune, why have I got to be on the bottom? If you ask me, a little submission would be good for you," he chuckled slightly.

"Submission?" Kurogane stared at Fai incredulously. Surely he could not be serious. He, Kurogane, be submissive? "It goes against my nature!"

Even though the ninja was unwittingly adorable when he pouted, Fai would best any cute face Kurogane put on. "Kuro-chi, you're so mean!" Fai wailed, leaping across one end of the bed to wrap his arms around the ninja.

"Oh, no! You're not going to sway me with that face," Kurogane tried to pry himself free of Fai's vice-  
like grip. When that did not work, he grabbed his second pillow and hit the wizard over the head.

With a muffled 'oof!' Fai retreated back to his own end, clutching the pillow he had caught to his head as if he had suffered a fatal blow.

"I don't see why I can't have the top," Fai mumbled, his eyes glazing over with recollection. "Besides, I'm always on the bottom," he finished in a whisper.

"What the hell are you talking about? We've never - " Kurogane stopped as realisation hit him in the face. Though they had been a couple for quite some time, they were yet to take it further than a few fervent kisses. If Fai was talking about being on the bottom before, he could only be referring to one man.

"So, you think that if I have the top I'm gonna treat you like he did?" Anger flared in Kurogane's crimson eyes.

Fai's head snapped up quickly. "That's not what I meant."

"Then why don't you take the bottom?" Kurogane persisted and Fai pouted at him but instead of finding it unsettlingly cute as he usually did it only annoyed him further. "You're making that face again. You're so manipulative!"

That seemed to have struck a chord with Fai. The blond wizard did not trust looking at Kurogane at that moment and slid further down, hiding his face with his hair.

"Manipulative?" he whispered. "You don't even know the meaning of the word."

At that moment, Kurogane found two choices presenting themselves to him. Either he could crawl up to Fai and pull him into a comforting embrace or continue to pursue the subject. The right choice was obvious.

"You're still thinking about him, even though you're with me."

In his irritation, he had only added salt to the wound.

Fai buried his face in the pillow so that his "Kuro-wan," came out muffled.

Something inside of Kurogane, perhaps his conscience or something, was telling him to stop, to let his distressed lover be, but his head was the last thing controlling his actions.

"Are you still in love with him or something? Even though you know he's a complete bastard?" Kurogane growled. It pissed him off that, even though they were together, Fai still thought of the king that he had left behind. What exactly had their relationship been like? Fai was always ambiguous in answering anything concerned with Ashura. "Am I just a distraction for you?"

Fai raised his head from the pillow, meeting him with soft blue eyes. "Do you think that I would do that to you?" he asked quietly.

The silence that followed told them both more than they wanted to know.

Now that Kurogane thought about it, this would be their first serious fight. It amazed him stupidly they were both acting and how it began. Who cared who was on the top? How had their initially teasing conversation deteriorated so quickly?

They were both being so childish. He expected such fights to happen between two sexually confused teenagers, not two experienced and mature (well, mature enough) adults.

"I can't forget about him," Fai admitted, catching Kurogane off guard for a moment. "That would be like asking you to forget about your princess, but that doesn't mean that I still love him."

"Fai," Kurogane shuffled towards him. Perhaps now was the time to pull him into his arms.

Kurogane had never been one to apologise for anything, not even if he was wrong, but the way he held Fai and stroked his hair spoke more than simple words.

Fai wrapped his arms around Kurogane's neck, tilting his head up to meet with the ninja's lips. Kurogane gently pushed him back into the softness of the bed and leaned over him, still kissing.

Fai arched his body upwards, letting Kurogane have him for a while before taking the ninja's shoulders and pushing him down.

Surprised by Fai's assertiveness, Kurogane gave the wizard ample time to take the top position and proceed in freeing Kurogane of his shirt. Fai's shirt came off too. There was a small, fiendish grin across Fai's face, the likes of which Kurogane had never seen.

Kurogane let Fai enjoy his fleeting domination, grinning as Fai teased him with his tongue. However, he was soon on top again and running kisses down Fai's neck.

Neither of them was sure when the footsteps came or the exact time the door opened but in that moment Syaoran was at the door, wide-eyed.

"Kurogane-san! Fai-san! I think the rain ha - " Syaoran's eyes widened before he dashed outside again, slamming the door shut behind him. "I - I'm sorry! I should have knocked!" he yelled through the wooden door. "That was inconsiderate of me! My apologies."

Fai rolled out from beneath Kurogane, grinning. Syaoran was as polite as ever. "Syaoran-kun, it's okay! Calm down!" he yelled to be heard through the door, grateful that they had only been shirtless. There was nothing worse than robbing someone of his or her youthful innocence. Turning to Kurogane, he found a peculiar expression on his face. "What's so funny, Kuro-muu?" he inquired.

"The kid saw me on top," Kurogane replied, perhaps a bit too smugly for his own good.

Fai frowned, trying to recall the precise moment in which Syaoran had walked in on them. Now that he thought about it, Kurogane had been on top for most of the time. He sighed. He had lost.

Kurogane grinned at him, knowing that he was right.

"You're a cheater," Fai squirmed back under him, wondering how long Syaoran would stand outside apologising.

* * *

Wait, wait, I know what you're thinking - O.o. I'm not too used to kissing scenes but when I wasn't wondering if I was going too far I really enjoyed writing it. I tried to keep it as toned down as possible to stick to the T rating.

Maybe for the next section I can finally put Clover up (if it's been rewritten by then) I happen to have a lot of coursework to finish before the holiday is up so that may affect my updates.

Also, thanks to sugahcat and Hakudoshi-chan for the fanart. I loved it. So, as always, please R&R.


	6. Bath time

Finally got this section up and running. It took a while because…actually I don't know why…hmm… 

Oh yes! Before I forget, I remember someone inquiring about the fourth and fifth section. Well, the answer is that each section is completely stand-alone and therefore they don't have to link with each other. .

* * *

**Section six - Romantic gestures**

**Kurogane always preferred the bath rather than the shower simply because he did not trust being enclosed in a glass box to wash oneself. There had been no showers in his world and only through his travels had he come to learn of them. There was something about the closeness of the walls, like being trapped in a small cage, and the water raining down from a spout that did not sit well with him.**

XX

A bath was more luxurious, not that he made a habit of pampering himself, but it was good at easing all those aching muscles accumulated after a hard day's work. In a bath, you were surrounded by water that gently untied all the knots in your muscles.

Sighing, he lowered himself even further into the water until it lapped at his shoulders. There was nothing more relaxing than a good soak.

"KURO-PIN!"

"W- What?" Kurogane sat bolt upright, staring with a mixture of rage and disbelief at the blond wizard currently grinning at him. "How the hell did you get in?" He swore that he had locked the door.

"Kuro-run!" Fai beamed innocently, propping his elbows on the rim of the bathtub. "Want me to help?"

"You can help by getting out!" he yelled, thankful that the bubbles were hiding most of his body.

"Then who's gonna scrub your back?" Fai titled his head to one side inquiringly.

Cursing the Fates above for being straddled with an imbecile of a travelling companion, Kurogane bit back the urge to punch the wizard, instead using his hands to search for the soap

"Don't you ever get lonely, Kuro-min?"

"I'm just taking a bath. It's not like I'm going anywhere," he muttered still trying to find his soap.

"True, true," Fai nodded but he looked as if he did not believe him. "Anyway, in case you do get lonely, I brought you a present," he beamed as he held up something small and yellow.

Kurogane's eyes twitched. "…A rubber duck."

"It goes quack when you squeeze it! Isn't that cute?" Fai squealed, squeezing the rubber bath toy. The duck promptly quacked just as Fai had claimed, and Kurogane wondered if the duck was the only thing that went quack in his presence.

A vein throbbed on his temple. "What are you on?"

"It floats too, just like a real duck," Fai continued, ignoring Kurogane, whose temper was making the water boil.

"I don't want your stupid duck," he growled at the wizard, "and you can get the hell out as well before I kill you!"

However, Kurogane's previous death threats had never deterred Fai before and just because he was sitting naked in a bath certainly was not going to deter the blond magician now.

"Quack!"

"That's it!" he stood up, ready to grab annoying wizard by the collar and shake him for all he was worth.

Fai jumped away, just far enough to be free of Kurogane's offensive swipe. "Hyuu!" Fai's eyes visibly widened, as did his grin. "Wow. Impressive, Kuro-sama!"

"D - don't look!" Kurogane dropped back into the water, mentally cursing the heat he felt creeping into his cheeks. "Get out, you psychotic idiot!"

"You do realise that you're stewing in your own filth, right Kuro-chin?"

Kurogane felt his blood pressure rise to dangerous levels. Grabbing a towel from the nearby rack, he wrapped it around his torso as he clambered out. "That's it!" There was a bucket of wet sponges standing at the end of the bath. "Stand still so I can kill you, you bastard!"

"Syaoran-kun."

"Yes, Sakura-hime?" Syaoran tore his attention away from the history book he had been reading to glance inquiringly at his princess.

Sakura's finger traced two figures dashing around the house, one chasing the other with rather obscene words being sprouted from the pursuing second figure.

"Why is Kurogane-san chasing Fai-san in a bath towel and throwing sponges at him?"

Syaoran followed Sakura's figure to the two men weaving through the furniture. Kurogane cursed the other man as he dodged between the furniture whilst Fai, fully clothed, was clutching something small and yellow to his chest.

"I'm sure they have a very profound reason for it," he said, returning to his book.

"What's wrong, Kuro-chan? I wouldn't mind you paying me a visit at bath-time," Fai laughed as another sponge missed him by an inch. It smacked into the far wall and dropped to the floor, leaving behind a wet trail of soppy water.

Kurogane blushed, obviously imagining what he should not. "You may not care, but I do!"

"Ah, but, Kuro - " Fai began but whatever nickname he was about to use was muffled by another wet sponge hitting full on the face. Fai tripped, staggering into a wall before falling backwards.

Repressing the temptation to cry, "score!" Kurogane settled with simply towering over the wizard, a triumphant smirk on his face as he said, "I got you."

He had finally caught Fai. He finally had the evasive magician that giggled and laughed and pranced around like a fairy under his claws, and woe betide anyone who thought that he wasn't going to issue some payback for all those pet names he had had to endure.

Taking advantage of Fai's currently dazed state; he slung the shorter man over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. Syaroan and Sakura wordlessly watched them make their way back across the room and into the bathroom.

Kurogane grinned, tossing the blond into his now lukewarm bath water. Soapy water splattered the tiled walls and dribbled downwards. His grin widened at the sight of Fai, sitting fully clothed, drenched from head to toe in the bath.

Fai spat out a mouth full of bath water. "Kuro-wan's so evil!" he cried, trying to cover up traditional Celes clothing, which had gone transparent in the water.

He heard the bathroom door shut and this time heard it firmly bolted. As Kurogane turned around, Fai would have sworn he saw an evil glint light his crimson eyes.

"We'll see how evil you think I am once I'm done with you."

* * *

Heh, Fai's fate and what Kurogane does in the bath I think I'll leave to your imagination. The next section should be up soon but I'm also toying with the idea of a Tsubasa AU. 


	7. Bar brawl blues

My holiday is over! I should be doing my art coursework but I would much rather be writing. I originally planned nine sections for this but I'm thinking of about fourteen now, though that depends on how long I can keep going.

* * *

**Section seven - Coping with jealousy**

**Jealousy, though unbecoming, visits even the best of people. To cope with jealousy the best methods are - imagining a calm blue ocean (must be blue, not red), punching someone before hand, living in denial, or taking anger management courses. There were many reasons to be annoyed with any world. So far, Kurogane could say, hands down, that this was the most annoying world he had ever been to.**

**XX**

Maybe it was the open-air sewers that made the air smell so foul or the noise of the crowds, maybe it was the rough landing they had had the day before, or maybe the grey, sombre, labyrinthine streets that sprawled endlessly into the horizon.

Outo country, with all its danger, was preferable to the world he found himself in. Even the inconveniences of Shurano or the overly cheerful people in Piffle were preferable to this world - a strange world full of smoke and stone and tight-lipped people.

It was the people he found the most irritating. The residents in the new world were talkative enough when it came to casual matters but mention something remotely personal and suddenly they were practising mutes. Somehow, they reminded him of a certain travelling companion, and that only caused for further irritation.

Kurogane poured himself a glass of…what was it? Whiskey or something, they did not serve sake, the fool at the bar counter did not even know what it was.

"I was worried that he would be some perverted old man but he's kinda cute," Fai's elbows were propped on the table and his head resting in his hands. He grinned, not taking his eyes off of their target - a rather handsome man in his thirties drinking alone in the farthest corner.

"How's he cute?" Kurogane poured himself another glass after downing the first.

The bar was a crumbling shack squeezed between two abandoned shops. It was dark and dank, with all the makings of a human rat nest. The stench of alcohol, smoke, and vomit combined in the air to form a vile concoction that threatened to overpower even the sturdiest of men.

Candles dribbled wax onto the floor; the walls had never felt a lick of paint or the touch of a cleaning cloth for years. Cracks ran down the walls and across the floorboards, the whole building threatened to crumble at any moment.

Despite the dilapidated condition of the bar, it was filled with all sorts of people and bar maids in skimpy skirts and tops that covered their breasts and nothing else. Hardly anyone who sat drinking was clean, as if the bar was a pox on any unsoiled material.

They needed to get the information out of their target and leave as soon as possible. Sakura, who had looked as if she would pass out from the fumes, had stepped outside for some air, Syaoran following her with Mokona in tow.

That only left Kurogane and Fai. One of them had to get the required information, though, to Kurogane's never-ending disappointment, pummelling it out of someone had officially been prohibited by Sakura.

Across the table Fai sat smiling good-naturedly, just as he always did. His clothes were quite different from the long black cape Kurogane had wrapped around his figure to hide the red and black robe he wore. Fai's clothes, whilst Kurogane's and Syaoran's covered them like duvets, was, well not exactly revealing, but it fired the imagination.

It was made of either lace of stain, Kurogane could not tell just by looking, and the whiteness of it practically shone in the gloomy squalor of the bar. Somehow, it clung to his figure, accentuating Fai's curves whilst still appearing loose and breezy. The white robe was decorated with ice blue patterns that swirled across the fabric, hanging just past the shoulders, subjecting Fai's collarbone and graceful neck to the hungry stares of those close by.

The attire had been bought for the sole purpose of coaxing information out of the uncooperative locals and so had been dubbed by Fai (and Mokona) 'the seducing suit.'

Kurogane followed Fai's path of vision to the man sitting alone in the farthest corner of the bar. The man was drinking like there was no tomorrow. "Confident, aren't you? What makes you think he'll take a liking to you?" he grunted.

"Would you like to try, Kuro-pin?"

"No!" Kurogane slammed his empty glass on the table.

"Well, if I can't do it, at least we have yummy little Syaoran-kun to fall back on," Fai grinned.

Kurogane knew that Fai only wanted to elicit an angry response from him but he was not in the mood to give the blond what he wanted. Something about their current world grated his nerves more than usual and so he settled with a trademark glare and a dark mutter of, "paedophile!"

Fai said nothing, only grinned at Kurogane then left the table to approach the man in the corner. He approached confidently. The man seemed to take an instant liking to the wizard calling over one of the barmaids to provide them both with drinks.

Kurogane watched darkly as Fai flirted with the man. He heard them both laugh. Why was he finding it so annoying? Was it because he would rather beat the daylights out of the man for information than extract it this way?

Even though he could not hear what was being said, he could tell that Fai was giving the man the kind of lip service that inflated a man's ego and loosened their tongues.

Fai let the man touch him too, Kurogane noted with a growl. Each touch was light and never lasted long. Fai taunted the man with his body, just offering enough of himself for the man to want more.

They continued on, during this time, Syaoran slipped in to the seat across from Kurogane and watched silently as the man left and Fai finally made his way back to them.

"Took you long enough," Kurogane grunted as Fai sat opposite him.

"Were you successful, Fai-san?" Syaoran asked.

Fai smiled, flourishing a piece of paper from his sleeve. "Of course," he handed it to Syaoran "It's enough for us to start searching, right?"

"Thank you very much, Fai-san, putting yourself in that awkward position for us," Syaoran bowed his head politely.

Fai waved it away. "Don't thank me yet. If we ever come across a problem or run out of leads we may have to come back here."

"We won't come across problems," Kurogane stated. He would personally do everything in his power to prevent them from coming back and for Fai to flirt with any more men. He bet the damn wizard had been enjoying it.

XX

"He's drinking too much," Kurogane muttered, glaring over the rim of his glass at the wizard and their latest target.

Two days later, and half way upon finding another clue which would certainly lead them to the feather, they were forced back to the tavern. Kurogane mentally cursed just about everything that he could for bringing them back to the same despicable place.

They sat in the same squat bar, in the same seats, looking at the same table but this time their target really was a perverted old man.

Kurogane watched, glowered really, at Fai flirting with the old geezer. The man was old but powerful, the strength in his muscles still showed through the fabric of the man's robe. The man had Fai pinned to the wall, one wandering hand tracing Fai's collarbone, his breath tickling the wizard's ear "I'm sure Fai-san knows what he's doing," Syaoran, who was sensing the rising turbulence inside Kurogane, reassured the ninja.

"He's still drinking too much," Kurogane insisted, "in a minute, he's going to start going 'Nyaa! Nyaa!' like an idiot."

"I'm sure that he's…"

"Nyaa! Nyaa!"

Syaoran laughed nervously whilst Fai meowed for the amusement of the old man. "I -I'm completely confident that Fai-san will…Kurogane-san!"

Kurogane snapped his head back to Fai and the man. Their activities were getting a little rough and Fai was obviously not enjoying it. The man pushed Fai more forcefully against the wall, brining his grinning mouth dangerously close to Fai's face.

He didn't realise it, but all of a sudden Kurogane was moving. He was out of his seat and striding towards Fai and the man, pushing barmaids out of his way as he marched towards them.

"Hey, you! What the hell do you think that you're doing?"

"Who are you?" the man turned, glowering at him for interrupting his fun.

Kurogane did not bother to tell the man his name; he never gave his name to such scum. Stepping forward, he buried his fist in that man's stomach, sending the man reeling into the nearest table. It felt good, perhaps a little too good.

The moment the man stumbled into the table, a brawl sparked that quickly spread throughout the bar as fast as wild fire. People stumbled into other people and were knocked out for it. A bottle of wine was shattered on the hard floor.

In the ensuing chaos, they heard Syaoran call them from the exit. Kurogane caught Fai's wrist and both of them ducked and ran, avoiding pewter cups and plates that were flying across the room. They burst out of the door and began running, not stopping until they were a good distance away from the bar. When they looked back, even the sounds of the brawl carried itself across the wind to them.

"Hyuu! Kuro-chi's made a real mess of things," Fai whistled, or at least tried to whistle.

Kurogane glowered at him. "If I didn't get you out of there in time, he would have really taken advantage of you. I don't think that you'd like waking up in that old geezer's bed the next morning. Besides, you were taking too long," he added stiffly.

"Right, of course I was," Fai smiled knowingly. "Don't worry, I'll try again tomorrow."

"No, you're not!"

Syaoran jumped in surprise. Kurogane's sudden outburst caught even Fai a little off-guard.

"Kuro-chin?"

"That place is bad news! We'll never find the feather if we have to keep going back there."

Fai smiled and confirmed with Syaoran if he was okay with that. Syaoran smiled sheepishly then nodded.

"Then I should get rid of these clothes, right?" Fai said, turning back to Kurogane once more. "I'll buy something warmer, like what you and Syaoran-kun are wearing."

Kurogane unfolded his arms and took a good long look at Fai in the…seducing suit. The slight blush that coloured his cheeks had to be wrong. There was no way that he could find the lithe blond more than just a little good-looking in that white and blue robe, but thinking about made him blush even more and trying not to think about it just forced him to think about it.

"Are you an idiot?" he turned away, refusing to allow his eyes to wander across Fai's graceful figure anymore. He was not like that perverted man they had just left behind. "We don't have money for you to buy another set."

Grabbing Fai by the wrist, he began to drag the wizard along.

"Now, let's go home"

* * *

I like describing bars. I think that that was my longest chapter yet. Anyway, I also forgot (I forget a lot of things) to thank Noi for the doujinshi. I did manage to see it, though it took a while to work the links, and it's absolutely adorable! I intended to get this up a little earlier but things kept getting in the way. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Well, it's up now; you all know what to do! 


	8. Magic fruit

Here it is! Yet another section! In answer to the questions received, these sections are totally stand alone so they're not really in any order. I do have a vague plan in my head whenever I write, but I mostly leave it to inspiration.

* * *

**Section eight - Giving, receiving and sharing.**

**A purely selfish or selfless relationship is doomed to heartbreak. Therefore, once in a relationship, it is important to learn how to give, take and share. This is something that does not just apply for Christmas and birthdays but for the entire year. If you unsure of how to give, take, and share, try one of the following: a) give your partner a treat b) take compliments with a smile c) share the food bill.**

**XX**

"Jeez, I'm so hungry!" Fai moaned, as he ran his hands along the shelves of their kitchen in search of food.

The place that they had come to occupy was a well-furnished but remote cottage on the very outskirts of civilisation, and they had only recently discovered the kitchen stocked nothing but jars of air and some mouldy and rather suspicious oblong shaped vegetables.

Mokona had tried to eat one, resulting in the white creature turning the strangest shade of blue and throwing up the rest. After that, no one went near the things, though Kurogane had suggested several times in sending the things to Yuuko as his White day present to her.

The market was not open. The shops were not open. They had endured a five hour long trek only to find that all places that provided food were closed for the day, which only left the group hungrier than before. There was nothing to be foraged, nothing to be hunted, and grass did not exactly fill one up sufficiently.

"If I don't eat something, I think I'll collapse." Fai continued to whine.

"You're only making yourself hungrier by thinking about food," Kurogane sat at the table, watching Fai scale the kitchen shelves.

They needed food though, he would admit that much. Only the sleeping princess was safe from their mini-famine, tucked away safely in the land of dreams.

Kurogane's stomach growled.

Given a few more hours and he would be willing to chance those oblong vegetables.

"Fai-san! Kurogane-san!" Syaoran entered the kitchen, waving a metal can wrapped in a blue label in his triumphant hands.

At the appearance of the curious tin, Fai instantly brightened. "I don't know what we'd do without you, Syaoran-kun!" he laughed, accepting the tin from Syaoran, he popped open the lid. Inside several small red beans were packed together, floating in similar coloured syrup.

Since Syaoran was the one who had made the discovery, he ate first. They sat at the table and took it in turns, passing the can around them until only the residue of the reddish syrup remained.

"It feels good to be full again!" Fai sighed and stretched languorously.

"I found several more in the attic," Syaoran said, feeling better after having something in his stomach. "I brought all of them down but I think we should save some for Sakura-hime and Mokona tomorrow."

As if on cue, Sakura, carrying Mokona on her shoulder, entered the kitchen, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Good morning. Did I oversleep?" she greeted them all. "Ah, Sakura-chan, you're just in time for brunch!" Fai clapped his hands together, a lot livelier now that he had eaten.

Syaoran rose to fetch more beans. "Sakura-hime, good morning. It's not much, but I hope that it will do."

"Morni - " Kurogane was going to grunt but stopped halfway. He blinked. "What the hell?"

Multicoloured rabbits swamped around Sakura's feet, their fur was glaringly bright and garish enough to blind someone. Where the things had come from or how they had gotten in was anyone's guess. They hopped cutely around the princess's ankles, dozens of them all clambering around her feet.

Sakura blinked in confusion. Mokona hopped over to the empty can and drank the rest of the syrup. Fai stared curiously but amused. Syaoran alternated bewildered glances between Kurogane and the room.

"What's wrong, Kurogane-san?"

Kurogane stared at Syaoran then back at the multicoloured rabbits that had invaded their house. "What the heck do you mean 'what's wrong'?" he pointed at the rabbits, who were now moving on to nibbling at the furniture and leaving their droppings on the carpet. "What the hell are those things doing here?"

They followed the point of Kurogane's finger to the carpet.

Syaoran saw nothing unusual…except that the table now looked like something akin to a giant marshmallow.

Curiously, he tapped it. It was soft. "What's this?" he tried biting into it but it seemed to suddenly harden when his teeth sunk into it.

With a yelp of pain, he jumped backwards, staring tentatively at the marshmallow table. The white fluffy thing seemed to be mocking him, telling him that there was no way he could protect his princess if he could not defeat a simple marshmallow.

Syaoran licked his lips.

War had been declared.

"How did these stupid things get in?" Kurogane cursed under his breath as he tried to usher the rabbits out of the house. "Hyuu! Kuro-chi sure is acting weird," Fai attempted to whistle, as he watched Kurogane hustling air. Perhaps being straddled with him for most of the time had finally snapped the poor ninja. "He must be going insane. Right, Pot-plant-san?" Fai grinned at the tiny cactus on the kitchen table Syaoran was digging his teeth into.

It was funny how he had overlooked the existence of the potted cactus before, he had not even thanked Mr Pot-plant for letting them stay in his home.

"So how long have you been living here, Plant-san?" Fai pulled up a chair.

"F - Fai-san," Sakura tried to grab the attention of the magician but Fai seemed totally engrossed in his conversation with a mini Beavertail cactus.

"Is that so? Really? Yes, I think that too," Fai tried to whistle and then laughed.

She did not know what happened or the reason why Syaoran, who had moved away from the table, was gnawing on a chair leg but she had an inkling feeling that normal people were not supposed to behave in such a way. The antics of the three males only confused and frightened her a little.

"Kurogane-san! Fai-san! Syaoran-kun!" Sakura waved her arms about helplessly, flitting from each of her companions in a vain attempt to stop them. "Please, Syaoran-kun, snap out of it! The curtains aren't edible!"

"M - Mokona? W - What should I do?" she searched for their last travelling companion to find Mokona ricocheting at top speed across the walls, whizzing like a white blur around the room.

Sakura backed away. Maybe this was a dream. That was right, it was all just a dream and she would soon wake up.

Finally able to chase the multicoloured rabbits out of the house, Kurogane collapsed on the chair next to Fai, sighing with exhaustion. Those rabbits had been stubborn little monsters.

"Kuro-wan…" Fai broke off his conversation with Mr Pot-plant to stare at the tired ninja. He blinked. For some reason, his vision was blurring, distorting the image of Kurogane into something quite different. "Kuro-mune, you look…tasty."

Fai pounced. The chair toppled over and both of them were sent sprawling across the floor.

XX

He felt a little groggy waking up. His body was heavy too and his brain felt as if it had had sexual intercourse with a rabbit. Kurogane groaned and tried to move, failing miserably on account of the large, heavy weight on top of him.

The large heavy, warm, and breathing weight.

"Holy -- "

Kurogane quickly stifled the long string of curses ready to fly from his mouth. Fai lay across his chest sleeping soundly, but after Kurogane's brief but loud outburst he began to stir.

"Eh? Kuro-chi? Why am I on top of you?" Fai blinked hazily, deprived of most of his senses.

"That's what I want to know!" Kurogane snapped and tried to haul the blond magician off of him.

Fai blinked some more, banishing the last traces of sleep. In place of a tired expression, a grin slid across his face. "You bad boy!"

"Like you can talk! You the one on top anyway!"

Fai grinned but did not get off until Sakura timidly stepped into the kitchen with Mokona bouncing happily on her shoulder. "Kurogane-san? Fai-san? Are you normal now?"

Kurogane noticed that Sakura was keeping her distance, a five-foot distance, and wandered just what had happened last night. He remembered that there had been bright things…fluffy things…

On second thoughts, maybe it was best that he did not remember.

Next to the princess, Syaoran entered, tentatively massaging his sore mouth. "Why do I feel as if I've been chewing cardboard?" he muttered, whilst Sakura nervously glanced at him sideways.

XX

The table was laid with food. Sunlight entered through the open window. Fai burst into hysterics, pounding the table with his fist. "Oh, I get it now!" he grinned, "so what we ate was - "

"I'm glad that you find all this so amusing," Kurogane muttered darkly. He was starting to remember the multicoloured rabbits that had invaded their home.

Sakura had gone shopping by herself before they had all woken up. Now that the stores were open, she had brought back ample supplies to last them the rest of their stay.

Fai and Syaoran had the normal bread with sweet jams but Kurogane, who had made it clear that he abhorred all things sweet, was given some kind of stew with several dark shapes floating in it as a morning meal.

"Lighten up, Kuro-chin, it was fun!" Fai continued to giggle inanely and stole a spoonful of Kurogane's stew. "C'mon, Kuro-run, share and share alike, right?" he winked and then laughed when the ninja tried to grab his spoon back.

Syaoran watched the antics of the two older men. Their fighting was not something unusual but as he took bites of buttered bread and watched Fai take sips of Kurogane's stew he could not shake the feeling that something was not quite right.

"It's delicious!" Fai took another gulp before ducking a swipe to his head.

Kurogane abandoned the thought of eating and was growling at Fai; cursing the mage for being the idiot he was and the imbecile he was destined to be.

Syaoran frowned. "Sakura-hime, what happened to the rest of the cans?"

"Oh, the ones with the blue labels? Mokona chucked them in the stew," Mokona piped.

Everything stopped.

The three men all stared at the tiny beans floating in Kurogane's bowl and then at each other, their expressions unreadable.

"Kuro-muu," Fai spoke slowly, drawing out Kurogane's name.

"Hey, stay away from me!" the ninja yelped, scooting to the farthest corner of the kitchen.

"Do you know what your beans are telling me to do?"

Kurogane backed further away and drew his sword.

* * *

That time in Outo when Kurogane drew his sword and was chasing Fai around the café was one of the best scenes ever! Anyway, I have to keep thanking all those who are making/drawing/writing based on this guide. I know who you are, don't think that you can hide from me! (Insert evil laugh here.)

So, slightly stupider than usual, but I thought I'd write something wacky since the next section will be angst. It had to come some time.

Next section - Dealing with depression and unrequited love.


	9. My erstwhile dear

I can't write angst. Hello everyone, sorry for the long wait but I found myself a little out of touch with writing anything non-fluff (plus life in general has kept me pretty busy.) Anyway, after scrapping many ideas, I made a pretty courageous attempt at this and finally completed it. Plot is a little overused but hopefully to a nice effect.

* * *

**Section nine - Dealing with depression and unrequited love.**

**During the courting process, it is possible that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you will be unable to obtain your love. People deal with rejection in many different ways, the most popular of which are: A. Have a good bar of chocolate. B. Shout and scream to music. C. Break something valuable (preferably belonging to your ex).**

XX

"I won't leave you, ever. I promise."

He seemed so final when he had said it. There was certain hardness in his eyes, a whole new type of seriousness that Fai had never seen before when Kurogane spoke.

Fai smiled. It had been different from all his previous smiles, just a little bit more genuine, just a little bit more sincere.

It had been so simple. It had been so easy. Coming to terms with their feelings was not as frightening or as agonising as they had initially believed.

That was three months ago, and now Fai was wondering if perhaps it had been too easy.

XX

They landed rather forcefully inside what looked like the audience chamber of an ancient Japanese palace. The group tumbled across the floor, Mokona bouncing happily from one disorientated body to another. There was hardly any time to gather one's bearings before they were presented with human life. A small, sweet voice that sounded mildly surprised.

"Kurogane?"

A young girl stood in rich purple and white satin, her dark hair trailing down to her hips, tumbling over her shoulders in masses of silky black locks. She appeared quite dignified but at the same time good-natured and cheerful, and just a little surprised at the unexpected intrusion.

"Tomoyo?" Kurogane blinked.

And in the background, a dark-skinned woman was fiercely hissing "Tomoyo-_hime_! Tomoyo-_hime_!" over and over again.

XX

The welcoming ceremony had been fabulous. Later, the party would agree to have never been so well fed in all their lives or met with such great hospitality since the day they had departed on their journey.

Fai, though impressed with the palace and the people in it, did not think that he could ever like the place or the people as much as it and they deserved to be liked. It was Kurogane's world. He had always been interested in seeing the worlds of his comrades, but not like this. He had not wanted this, had not wished for this, but Kurogane had.

It was really quite selfish of him. Kurogane had his wish granted. Fai should be happy for him.

Fai should be happy that Kurogane was back with his princess too.

Tomoyo was as spunky as the one in Piffle, majestic and unusually wise for one her age. Fai admitted that even he was a little drawn to her, that even he liked her. She was like the sun. It was only natural to be in awe of the sun, right? It was only natural to want to be close to its warmth and light. Kurogane's desire to protect her was only natural too and Fai would be willing to brush it off as that if only it really was that simple.

How he wished that he could live ignorant.

The looks, the closeness, everything reeked of more than a gentle longing to protect.

Fai turned yet another corner in the weave of hallways and passages of the palace. A row of sliding doors led to the sleeping chambers but only one was slightly open. Fai crept near enough to see the black shadow through the thin paper and slid the door open the rest of the way.

"So," he began, "what are you going to do?"

Kurogane sat by his futon; his back was turned to Fai who leant casually in the doorway, not quite in the room, not quite out.

There was no need for him to elaborate on what he meant. Though unspoken, they both understood the choices that Fate had bestowed upon them.

There was a flicker in Kurogane's eyes. At first, Fai thought that he was going to play dumb, but he must have realised how futile that would be because he simply grunted, "My princess needs me."

"What about me? I need you," Fai spoke calmly, almost matter-of-factly.

It was a fact. Fai needed him the way he needed warmth and water. The only problem was that Kurogane did not.

"I'm being thrown aside," he continued to speak calmly. It was probably worse for Kurogane, the ninja probably wished that he would yell and scream and throw a tantrum but Fai kept his emotions neatly wrapped inside of him. "You don't need me anymore so - "

"That's not it!" Kurogane's hands were balled into fists. They were shaking with anger. "Don't you dare think that I'd be so low as to do that! It's my duty!"

Fai paused to frown. With Kurogane's back turned to him there was no need to hide it.

"It's love," he said. "You're in love, aren't you?"

"That's - "

"When did you start loving her?"

"I don't - "

"How much do you love her?"

"I don't! Not in that way," Kurogane yelled. If he pushed him anymore, Fai really thought that maybe Kurogane would hit him, but then again maybe he would welcome being hit.

Kurogane didn't offer him to stay, though he probably knew Fai would have refused, it would have been nice if he had asked anyway.

It was cruel how Fate played its vindictive little games with their lives. If only they had not landed in this world. If only Fai had not fallen in love. If only they had never met. Fate. It had all been Fate.

"You're in denial."

"Will you shut up?" Kurogane rounded on him, angry and frustrated. "I don't love her, okay? She's my princess! I love y - "

He suddenly paused. Invisible lightening seemed to strike inside his head. A bird chirped just outside the window.

"I'm leaving with the others tomorrow," Fai commented, sounding much like a hollow log.

"I'll see you off," Kurogane replied, just as woodenly.

"Thank you," he inclined his head forward with unusual formality, signalling an end to their conversation.

XX

"The best of luck on your journey," Tomoyo seemed very majestic as she was offering them farewells. Fai supposed that the best royalty could turn it on and off as they wished. He admired her, and he could understand why anyone would be so attached to her.

"Thank you very much, Tomoyo" Sakura was saying. Tomoyo had persuaded her not to use any honorific when addressing her. Fai would have found it cute had his brain not been wallowing in other matters.

Kurogane.

It was cruel. How he could smile even at a time like this. It was cruel. How Kurogane could stare back with such apathy. It was cruel how neither of them had anything to say to each other, painfully cruel.

At first, Fai thought that perhaps Kurogane did not care much that they were parting ways, perhaps forever, it certainly would not have surprised him half a year ago, just after meeting at Yuko's shop, when Kurogane seemed so gruff and strong.

Fai watched Kurogane through the swirling mists as they began to depart for the next world. Then something slipped from his lips. A word said quietly above the gentle gush as Mokona sucked them in.

"Sayonara."

XX

The tunnel between dimensions seemed to spiral into infinity. When they finally landed in the next world, Fai was quick and discreet in separating himself from the others. The last whisper of goodbye still echoed in his head and he wished that he had never said anything. How cruel of Kurogane to say such things, how incredibly callous, because if he had just remained silent Fai could have lied himself into believing that he hated him.

Kurogane had been selfish to the end. He had chosen his home and a comfortable life to staying with Syroaran, to helping them on their quest. Kurogane had just dropped them like excess baggage. That was right. Kurogane. Not Kuro-muu or Kuro-pi or even Kuro-wan-wan. He would never think of Kurogane like that again.

_I won't leave you, ever,_ he had said.

_I promise_, he had said.

Lies.

They were all lies.

He had been full of them. Nasty contradictions, and tangled webs of love and duty.

And Fai smiled, because he was really quite fond of those lies. He was really quite fond of Kurogane.

* * *

Like I said, that was my first attempt at angst in a long time. Please forgive me, I'm a little rusty. I'm still in awe that I got this up before I go on holiday. Well, it was fun, but this fic is finally coming to an end soon. Maybe two or three sections more. Isn't everybody happy? Oh, and one last thing, don't forget to R&R. I love seeing my inbox flooded when I get back. 


	10. Smile

Yes, that's right, I'm finally back from Japan! I'm ultra-happy because I got the Tsubasa: RC sheet music book. Strange games sounds a little weird on piano but all the other songs are gorgeous.

Anyway, back to business. To all those who asked me my opinion on the KxT pairing, I admit that I like to have fun playing around with the pairings (a bit like a mad scientist) but KuroxFai is of course my OTP for Tsubasa:RC andI do believe that Tomoyo and Kurogane have more of a brother-sister relationship. In other news, I agree that the last section wa a little out of place. Even though I'm no longera newbie I'm still making such mistakes. Thanks to those who have helped me try to better my work.

Wow, that was long. Now for the actual story.

* * *

**Section 10 - Cheering up your love**

**A good sign of whether you and your target of affection are meant for each other is how quickly you can cheer up said target. The next time your target of affection is feeling blue, time how quickly you can get him/her to smile/laugh/punch you in the face. **

XX

It had started with a simple question.

"What's it like to die?"

Kurogane propped himself unto his elbows. He had been relatively enjoying one of the rare peaceful moments between himself and Fai, choosing to relax on his futon whilst acidic rain poured outside when the wizard had popped a rather unusual question.

"What?"

"I said - "

"I heard you!" Kurogane snapped, glaring at Fai for interrupting his quiet daydreams. Nowadays, moments when they were not or could not search for the feather were few and far between. He wanted to enjoy every moment of his free time, not that there was anything particularly free about being cooped inside a safe house whilst the rain ate at everything outside.

Fai, who had been staring wistfully outside at the grey clouds did not return his gaze. "So what do you think it's like, Kuro-pon?" he asked absently. "That time in Outo doesn't count."

"A lot better than being with you," his reply was automatic and defensive. He thought that perhaps Fai was attempting to tease him again.

If Fai was hurt by the comment he did not show it but only seemed vaguely intrigued. "Oh? If it's so good then why don't you kill yourself?"

"I said that it would be better then being here with you, I didn't say that it would be any good," Kurogane scowled at Fai's back. "Besides, I detest people who give up while there's still hope and just throw away their lives."

Fai made a 'hmm' noise that sounded amused. It mildly annoyed the ninja that Fai had broken the peace for such a pointless question and that the wizard was having a conversation with him just because he was bored. "So what do you think it's like to die?" Fai persisted.

"I don't know! Why are you asking me this?" Kurogane's glare intensified, pushing himself into a sitting position. Since the wizard was probably going to drag out their 'conversation' he might as well be comfortable.

"Just curious," Fai smiled. He was all too aware of how riled up Kurogane was and was probably loving every minute of it.

"You have one morbid curiosity then."

It was only then that Fai chose to face him. "I've had dreams where I'm dying," he spoke casually but his expression was not as mindlessly happy as it usually was. "I feel my life slipping away but I always wake up before I actually die. I wonder what happens after."

"Nothing. There's nothing after death, that's why you have to enjoy life while you can," Kurogane replied, though he was merely guessing.

"That's true. Kuro-chi sure is wise," Fai put his hands behind his head, stretching backwards he slid off of the stool like a snake. With his legs still propped atop the stool, he stared blankly at the ceiling, which now had his attention as much as the rain had had. "Life's so bothersome though."

Kurogane frowned. He hated talking about unnecessary things. "That's because you're an idiot."

Fai smiled and said with the infuriating tone of an adult trying to teach a child; "Kuro-wan, you can't keep using my idiocy as an excuse for everything."

"It doesn't change the fact that you're an idiot."

Accepting that he was indeed an idiot, Fai waved off the insult. He was already used to it. "Back home…in Celes…there were really long flights of stairs that spiralled upwards into the clouds," he spoke with the same nostalgia that overcame all those looking back on their lives. It made Kurogane wonder what kind of place Celes was that Fai would want to avoid it and yet spoke so tenderly about it.

Fai noticed Kurogane's inquisitive glance and turned to him with a smile. "I wondered what it would be like to fall from them. I suppose that not even the hardest of people could survive such a fall."

"Were you planning to throw someone off of there?"

"Maybe," Fai grinned as Kurogane's expression darkened. "Don't you think that it'd feel great? It'd be like flying!"

There was not much that Kurogane hated more than talk of death. When you die, you die and that was all there was to it. It was weak to wonder when or how it would happen and equally weak to spend life running away or towards death. Death would come naturally and when it did it should be accepted, he believed.

Something about their conversation annoyed him and the fact that it was Fai talking about such morbid things pissed him off even more.

"There's nothing great about dying!" Kurogane snapped, jabbing a finger viciously in Fai's direction. "It's all very well to dream about it, you can just wake up if you don't like it anymore, but the thing about dying for real is that once it's over you have to stay dead and that's all you do for all eternity, you remain dead!"

"You have a point, Kuro-rin, but - "

"You can kill yourself if you want to," he raged on, not giving the wizard a chance to talk, "but don't you think that that's a little selfish? Without you, the kid would have a harder time looking for the feathers, the princess would probably cry and that damn white manjuu wouldn't have someone to join him in his daily rounds of 'let's call Kurogane girly names and laugh at his valiant but futile attempts to commit homicide!'"

Fai smiled at the ceiling. "And you?" he asked. "What would you do if I was gone?"

"I…" Kurogane began but stopped there. What would he do? His immediate answer would be to celebrate but that would not have been being truthful. He tried to imagine Fai dead but found that he could not bring himself to conjure up the image. "I…would be pissed off at you because you remained an idiot 'til the last."

"And?" Fai wriggled towards his futon.

"And nothing!" Kurogane backed away, resenting the fact that Fai had no concept of personal space.

"And, Kuro-pii?" Fai brought his face closer.

Kurogane sighed, giving in to Fai's persistence. "Also, I would be upset that you would do such a thing without asking me for help."

"To help me commit suicide?"

"To help you solve your problems!" he snapped. "I'm not a total bastard, y'know?"

"Well, that's very nice, Kuro-chin," Fai smiled.

At first Kurogane thought that Fai would leave it at a simple smile. The mage began to withdraw with the indications that he was going to return to his seat until he suddenly lunged himself at Kurogane, wrapping his arms around the ninja in a great hug.

"I knew that you were soft and sweet on the inside!" he delightfully squealed whilst Kurogane was struggling to unsheathe his sword.

Fortunately, it was Fai who finally decided to relinquish his grip, allowing the ninja to breathe once again. The mage stood up, idly grinning, and softly padded towards the door.

Kurogane rested his hand on the hilt of his sword just in case it was another trick to bring his defences down and warily asked; "Where are you going now?"

"The kitchen. I'm hungry. Coming, Kuro-puu?"

"Being around you too long is bad for my mental health," he sighed, deflated and ready for some serious sleeping.

Fai nodded. Just as he reached the handle he stopped and turned around suddenly remembering something quite important. "Oh, by the way, Kuro-wan-wan," he said, "what made you assume that I would kill myself?"

Kurogane blinked.

"I was merely asking what it was like to die, I wasn't saying that I was going to kill myself," Fai smiled as Kurogane tried to recall exactly how their conversation had gone. "No, teasing my Kuro-chan is too fun for me to give up. So what made you assume that I would kill myself?" he asked.

Kurogane stopped, scowled, and realised that the noise coming from the mage's mouth actually made sense and what was more, that the blond was actually right.

"It's because you're an idiot," he muttered.

* * *

It's countdown time! Only one or two more sections to go! I hope that this latest section came off as cute and simple rather than boring and pointless. Thanks again to all those who reviewed. 


	11. And the cow jumped over the moon

Lookie! Lookie! An update!

**

* * *

**

**Section 11: Protection and devotion**

**When you have a target of affection, it is important to protect and care for him/her/it. This does not only earn you brownie points from your target but also boosts confidence, improves skin, makes hair shimmer and, most importantly, keep you together.**

**XX**

The jury filled in along their given seats, the judge took her place at the head of court, guards stood at every door as Fai and Kurogane were escorted to the centre. Their footsteps echoed along the polished wood, as loud as a gong amidst the silence of the court.

"This is annoying," Kurogane ran a hand through his hair, sighing as if he would rather be anywhere else but here right now.

Honestly, Fai would have to agree with him too.

"Relax, we just have to buy some time until Syaoran-kun and the others get here, right?" Fai whispered. "I have this all planned out, so just go with me," he winked and grinned as Kurogane rolled his eyes.

Yes, this was troublesome indeed.

The judge adjusted her powdered wig and tapped her gavial as an announcement that she was about to speak. She was a small, thin creature with equally thin lips and eyes that blinked every other second behind a large pair or glasses.

Kurogane and Fai stood before her, the pedestal on which she stood behind towered above them and they had to crane their necks in order to get a glimpse of her whilst she likewise leered down at them.

As Fai stared into the brilliant view of the judge's nostrils, he wondered just what they had done wrong to get them dragged to court quite so suddenly. Oh yes, that was right, they had been in an alleyway.

Correction, a dark, narrow alleyway, and all dark, narrow alleyways were shady places. No, they had been in a dark, narrow alleyway by themselves, backed against a crumbling, graffiti-splattered wall.

"So, Kurogane-san, Fai-san, you understand why you are here today, correct?" the judge stared imperiously at them.

Kurogane snorted with a look that said that he could possibly give a damn, but it was midday and the court session was interrupting his daily routine.

Fai smiled at him whenever he thought the ninja was not looking. It had been because Kurogane had gotten rather loud that they had been caught. If they had made-out quietly in that dark, narrow alleyway, backed against that crumbling, graffiti-splattered wall, perhaps everything would have been okay.

"You insisted on it," as if he could read the wizard's mind, Kurogane hissed through pursed lips. "Even though we were warned that this world doesn't tolerate that sort of thing."

"Oh, but Kuro-sama, that's because you never give me enough loving that I'm always frustrated," Fai grinned.

"I give you plenty of that, you animal!"

"Order!" the judge slammed her gavial. It was such an annoying thing. "Now, you do understand that you were caught on camera, yes? You also understand that, both of you being male, this kind of disgusting behaviour is not only against the law but is punishable by death, yes?" the judge eyed them coldly.

Fai cleared his throat, stepping forward into the great unknown.

Attempt to buy time until Syaoran-kun comes to the rescue, tactic one: commence.

"Your honour, I'm afraid that you have absolutely no proof of anything whatsoever."

"You were caught by camera."

"And is he trustworthy?"

"I beg your pardon?" the judge blinked.

"This Kameera person, can you really trust what he says? If you ask me, it all sounds a little suspicious," Fai crossed his arms, nodding wisely to his own conclusion.

"A camera, Flowright-san, is an electronic device, it is not a living person!" the judge snapped, staring at him as if he was an imbecile. A few giggles arose from the courtroom. The sound of furious typing from the stenographer ended with a ping of his typewriter and Fai blinked, confused.

"Oh, isn't it?" he asked.

"Idiot," Kurogane mumbled.

However, not to be disheartened, Fai pointed an accusing finger squarely in Kurogane's direction. Let plan number two to buy time until Syaoran-kun arrives commence.

"Well, if it makes any difference, he thought that I was female," Fai stabbed his finger at his partner in crime, grinning all the while.

"What!"

"What!"

Both the judge and Kurogane cried in unison, though the judge looked particularly scandalised whilst Kurogane simply seemed as if he was going to beat the last traces of sense out of the wizard's mind sword or no, as the court exploded into an uproar.

The judge slammed her gavial down, almost shattering it in an attempt to restore order in the courtroom.

"What do you think? I'm cute enough to be mistaken for one, don't you think?" Fai struck a daring pose as the court simmered down.

Kurogane backed away, partly to resist the temptation to hit the wizard where it hurt and partly because such insanity was bound to be contagious.

"You seem quite obviously male to me," the judge coughed dryly, unaffected by each pose Fai struck, which should have by all rights diminished the courtroom into chaos and incited a mass scramble for tissues in order to stop the copious amounts of blood spurting from the nose.

Alas, no such reaction. The people here really were a boring bunch.

"You think so?" Fai ceased modelling. "Well, it was really dark in that alleyway and passion can blur the mind," her winked suggestively, much to the exasperation of his travelling companion, the judge and three quarters of the court.

"Flowright-san, I must remind you that you are under oath, and even if he did think you female, which I highly doubt, what is your excuse for kissing another man?"

Fai paused. "Um…I thought that I was female too?"

"Very funny."

"Um, no wait just a minute!" Fai held up his hand just as the judge seemed on the verge of wrapping things up. "I was drunk!" he cried. "Really, really drunk. In fact, come to think of it, I still am!"

The judge sighed, massaging her temples with the look of someone who really wants to call it a day. "I'm sorry, Flowright-san, but this mockery of a hearing must come to an end soon. You are both obviously guilty and therefore shall be dealt with in a manner suiting your crime."

Fai did not let his protective grin slip for a second, though he failed to notice Kurogane quietly simmering besides him until the ninja finally snapped. "Shut up," he seethed. At first it was so quiet that the stenographer had to ask the people around what was being said. Kurogane paid no attention to any of this however, he was too busy glaring daggers at the judge. "Stop ranting and raving as if anyone actually gives a damn about what you're saying," he glowered.

"Kuro-muu, what are you - " Fai began but Kurogane's expression was shielded from him, darkened and unreadable.

"Let me just tell you that I'm pissed off right now!"

"Is that a threat?" the judge cocked an eyebrow.

Kurogane shrugged. "Take it whichever way you want. I've had enough of this. I was perfectly aware that he was a guy when I did what I did. So what?

"K - Kuro-chi, this wasn't the plan," Fai tried to vainly steer the ninja towards the course that would not lead to certain death.

Kurogane shot Fai a 'like I care' look before turning back to the judge, eyes ablaze. "It's not dirty and it's not disgusting so I'm not going to lie about it anymore. We didn't do anything wrong so there's no need to hide it as if we're ashamed of it."

"Well, in this world, it is technically wrong," Fai piped

Kurogane rounded on the mage "Shut up!" he snapped. "Whose side are you on anyway, damn mage?"

"The side that keeps me away from a painful death for as long as possible." Fai quipped.

"You're such a wuss! Be a man for once!"

"It's because I'm a man that we're in this mess."

"Whatever! Listen!" Kurogane turned back to the judge. "You can pretend to be as high and mighty as you like, frankly I don't care. This isn't a dirty little secret that you're trying to expose. Your damn narrow-minded laws can take a hike! We were kissing, so what?" his yells echoed around th scandalised court room. Several members of the jury had to step outside to breathe. Kurogane grinned slyly. "In fact, I'll give you all a demonstration of how it went."

The ninja grabbed Fai with one hand, pulling the wizard into an embrace, he tilted Fai's chin and kissed him.

A collective gasp ran around the court. The judge furiously banged her gavial down again and again, looking for order.

"You're on fire today, Kuro-sama!" Fai cheered, starry-eyed, as they parted.  
The judge banged her gavial to the point of it splintering and the guards by the doors moved in.

"My, this certainly looks grim," Fai attempted to whistle.

"Weren't you griping about staying alive for as long as possible?" Kurogane grunted.

"Well, I was but…" Fai finished with a shrug, not caring to go on.

"Your honour!" the courtroom doors burst open and a young boy strode in, followed shortly by a young girl and her stuffed animal.

"Syaoran-kun!" Fai cheered.

"About time!" Kurogane grunted.

Syaoran ignored both of them, marching straight for the judge instead. "Your honour, please forgive my lateness," he said rather breathlessly and bowed.

"And you would be?" the judge peered at him over the top of her glasses.

"Please forgive me," Syaoran bowed again. "Allow me to explain, you see, I am Kurogane-san and Fai-  
san's keeper."

"Keep…" Fai began.

"Keeper?" finished Kurogane.

Still, Syaoran made a point of ignoring them. He fixed his eyes on the judge and sh was the only one he spoke to. "My father runs a mental home on the outskirts of town. He will be here shortly to sign any papers necessary but in the meantime he has sent me to take them back to the home. You see, Fai-san and Kurogane-san are, well…not quite right in the head," he explained.

"Eh?"

"Just go along with it. We just have to act crazy," Fai whispered.

"There's no need for you to act," Kurogane shot, resenting every minute the jury stared at him as if he were insane.

The judge regarded Syaoran sceptically. "So you're saying that both men are insane?" she said slowly, as if there was something in his words that she could not quite understand.

"Yes, you honour, which would explain their latest…activities," Syaoran coughed. "If you'd allow me to take them back, I will make sure that this never happens again."

The judge stared from one face to the other, even running Sakura down with her hard eyes. Several minutes of silence passed. The stenographer had gotten bored and had gone for a coffee.

Eventually, the judge relaxed and nodded.

XX

The sun outside almost blinded them as they stepped into the fresh air. Air smelt better when one knew how perilously close they had come to never breathing again.

"Phew! You really saved us, Syaoran-kun!" Fai slumped against a bus stop bench. It was high time that they got out of this world and into the next. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back to breath the deep, clean air of life.

"Kurogane-san? Is something the matter?" Fai heard Syaoran say. The wizard opened one eye, remaining in the same position but suddenly alert to the ninja's anger.

"Insane?" Kurogane glowered at the grey floor.

"It was only a bluff," Fai lazily waved a dismissive hand in the air.

Kurogane frowned at the wizard. "So in this world, if you like someone who isn't of the opposite sex, you're insane? If you happen to fall for the wrong person you could die?"

Fai dropped his hand. "Kuro-rin…" he began but for once he was at loss for words. He had no idea that the ninja would take what was in his mind just an amusing, near-death, misunderstanding, so seriously.

"This whole place is insane," the ninja muttered.

"Perhaps we should leave now," Sakura suggested, voicing herself for the first time that day, "there's no feather here and all our supplies are well stocked."

Just as Fai was about to agree with her, Kurogane came in between them. "Not yet," he said, suppressing a strange, almost wicked expression surfacing on his face. "There's one thing I want to do before we leave."

XX

Sometimes, Syaoran wondered if their roles were ever reversed. Why did the adults never seem to act like adults and why was it that he was always in charge of working things through methodically? It was not that Kurogane or Fai were not intelligent, it was just that they seemed to give in to their immature side too often.

"Where have they gone to?" Syaoran sighed, wondering where Kurogane, with Fai in tow, could have possibly disappeared.

He scanned the stone streets and the cobbled roads, peering into shop windows and searching intently behind trees, dustbins and down alleyways. He really supposed that he was not being fair. What was the likelihood Fai or Kurogane would be caught in an alleyway after what had happened to them?

"S - Syaoran-kun!" Sakura's stunned voice alerted him.

Syaoran turned to his princess, alarmed. Sakura looked at him, eyes wide, then pointed down the road to where a large crowd of gasping locals had gathered.

Taking Sakura in hand, he pushed his way through the shocked throng of people until they reached the centre.

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open, scarcely believing what he was seeing. From Sakura's shoulder, Mokona made a low 'Hyuu!' sound that no one heard.

Kurogane, aware but pointedly ignoring all the people around them, was leaning against a lamppost with Fai, locked in a flurry of kissing. The wizard seemed blissfully unaware of all the attention the two were attracting, or if he did notice, did not care and plastered to Fai's back was the sign, 'It's okay, we're insane' in Kurogane's spindly scrawl.

As soon as he stopped gawking, Syaoran closed his mouth in time to manage a smile. He guessed that this was Kurogane's own personal ' up yours' to the world, and as the police sirens drew ever closer he guessed that it was time to leave.

* * *


	12. Sea of memories

That's right, it's finally come! The final chapter to a Dummy's guide. I wasn't sure whether to end with something fluffy or something funny. In the end, I went for neither. The song in itlaics is a translation to part of Abschiedsstandchen (I think), which can be found in my profile. Well, enjoy!

**

* * *

****Section twelve: Good luck!**

**Now that you know all there is to know about the courting process, seen all there is to see and experience all there is to experience, I can only wish you good luck. Have fun winning over your object of affection.**

**A dummy's guide to proper courtship holds no responsibility for any incidents that may result in following this guide.**

**XX**

_Now the shadows are darkening_

_star after star is waking up_

_what a breath of longing_

_is flooding through the night_

XX

There was a dark corner in the room. There was a clock tower above the city. There were ropes and chains and long snaking symbols engraved into the walls.

Memory comes in pieces. When you try and recall things it doesn't all flood back to you at once, in chronological order, as one might think. Memory comes in shards; piercing, dangerous shards that are sharp enough to cut. Sometimes, it jumps you unexpectedly - a nasty surprise. Sometimes, it slips through your fingers like sand.

I sit at the table as the shadows darken outside. Night comes quickly. I think that everyone is asleep but me. The hot chocolate in the cup between my hands warms them.

My hands are pale and thin. Were they this thin before? My fingers are long and gently accepting the warmth of the hot drink seeping through the china and into my skin.

There are no lights inside or outside but that of the stars softly illuminating the path through town. A clock on the wall ticks the seconds by but time is unreliable, it gushes past life, running at a pace that I cannot keep up with, and crawls through agonising minute after minute slower than a lifetime of pain. Time is unreliable, so I sit at the table wondering how long it has been since Kuro-chan left me.

No, I decide to think back even further, but as I say, memories come in jumbled shards and time can not be counted upon, so I can't tell whether this memory came before that or just when this thing happened or that thing occurred.

Sometimes, memories lay buried, waiting for something to jog it and awake it from its slumber. Hot chocolate for instance. I remember when I first made this for everyone. Kuro-chi, naturally, hated anything sweet, but he had no objections to drinking it several worlds later when I caught him at night, brooding in the darkness. I didn't say anything then, simply made the drink and left it in front of him. He didn't say anything then, simply took it and drank it without a glance at me.

Now the memories are coming, one after another, tumbling over each other in a rush to be remembered. Those times Kuro-rin would jump into battle just to stop me from getting hurt and then moan about what a nuisance I was afterwards. Those times I poked him and teased him and made him chase me. Those times we were so loud the neighbours complained and the times when we sat in complete silence.

If you could take all those moments; add them together, throw in all the sweet sorrows and complicated joys we shared, and the silence and noise, it would be enough to span a lifetime.

The clock ticks the minutes by. Just how long has it been since Kuro-puu left me? It was eleven when I made myself a drink but it feels like a lifetime ago. I swing my legs and softly hum a tuneless song. Thunder splits apart the sky and it begins to rain. I continue to hum tunelessly.

We're opposites, Kuro-chi and me. For instance, I have a terrible sweet tooth. He abhors the stuff but that did not stop him from buying me a box of chocolate rosettes, which I have been addicted to ever since. The first time he gave me them, he rather unceremoniously shoved them in my arms, grunting something indistinguishable. I miss them. I wonder what time the clock will show when I get to eat them again. There is no orange M&M. There are these little round pieces of coloured candy that have an orange M&M on the packet but there is never one inside. It's false advertising.

The clock goes tick, tick, and I sigh.

Memory comes in shards and I am sure I am forgetting things. Time is unreliable and I cannot tell how long it has been. I think of chocolate rosettes, suing the designer of the M&M packet, and Kuro-kichi.

Then the door opens. The door that leads to the outside town opens with a click. I raise my head expectantly to greet whoever it may be.

A box of chocolates skid across the table, spinning towards me after being thrown across the six feet between the door and the table. Chocolate rosettes. The golden wrapping is slightly damp. It must have been raining.

A grin lights up my face. "You've been gone for a long time."

"It's only been half an hour," he sighs irritably, shaking the droplets of water from his hair.

"Time doesn't always go at the same speed. I was wondering how long it had been since you left me."

"It's been half an hour, I told you!" he snaps, dumping himself into the chair opposite mine. "The next time you want something so stupid at this God-forsaken hour, go get it yourself!"

I smile and he huffs. According to the clock, it has indeed been half an hour since Kuro-chan left me.

"So what have you been doing?" he mutters after a moment of silence.

"Remembering," I say with a mouthful of chocolate rosettes.

XX

_Across the sea of dreams_

_steering ceaselessly_

_my soul is steering _

_towards your soul._

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